Thursday, August 25, 2011
i know yesterday i was like uber worried, and today going to school, i was still worried. i didn't finish my homework, but i didn't give a shit. i turned in something. today i was in all my classes - well herpfuckingderp cindy, i know just bare with me, it has a point- i have people who i can talk to and make friends with, but then i realized, i act completely different in a school environment, compared to how i act outside of it all. i would probably have more friends if people knew the real me, >implying someone knows the real me, ohme.jpg. i seriously believe this, although i don't know for certain, but i really do not care to try it out. in class i am quiet, reserved, and shy. outside, i am the same somewhat, except i am able to be me. what i'm trying to say here is something, but i just don't know what. FUTURE ME: DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT TO DO, DO NOT HOLD BACK! back back to first day, i feel like this is going to be an easy year, yes there will be time where i'll just say kill me now, but i know in the long run, it will be worth it. not much to type about, but it's something
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
i decided to start this just so i can look at when i'm all graduated and shit. i really don't blog or write, as a matter of fact, i'm supposed to be finishing my summer reading, but i really don't give a shit. my reason for starting this just somewhere where i can put my thoughts and crap on somewhere. just really no reason what so ever. this won't be perfect, but i don't care. so tomorrow school starts and i really just want it to be over already, i'm tired of high school and everything that is associated with it. one reason i don't want to go to school is i really don't have that many close friends like i have mallory and chloe, but they go to another school, so really doesn't help me when i'm at school. even if we were all at the same high school, i probably wouldn't be in the same class with them. the few friends i used to have last year already left me and are off at college, so basically i'm foeveralone. i do have alex, but not the same. i have underclass men friends, but none of them are like mallory and chloe. i could be friends with people in my grade, but to me that would be like having fake friends, i see no reason to be friends with them, since they probably would not be a fan of what i do and my mannerisms. but i guess that's what i get for being anti-social my entire high school life towards everyone in my class. so basically i'm ready to be outta here, out of that high school, out of this town, and move on to better things. i'm pretty confident i want to go to asheville. there are many positives that are associated with me going to asheville. i will at least have chloe with me and courtnie. if i went to state, i would be foreveralone there and it's really hard for me to be social and open up towards others. so compared to what i would have at state to asheville, i would much rather be at asheville, although i really do like state. all my plans i have made for my 18th birthday and beyond would become obsolete if i went to state. i really don't want to be a disappointment to anyone. i'm afraid of failure, even though everyone tells me i can get into state and i'll make friends, i just doubt i can do all that, i'm afraid i'll just be a loner, like i am in high school. this is all really stupid to think about since i'm just starting senior year, but i over think everything and i care too much, even though i tell everyone i don't give a shit about anything, i actually care a lot. well nevermind, scratch that, i care about my future. others, not so much, just depends if i truly care about them. i've had a lot of fun this summer, i did all i wanted to do, if not more, and i appreciate the opportunity i've had. i don't want this to sound cheesy, so i'll stop myself before i do. so tomorrow, yeah. senior year. boy, where has time gone, oh wait, I'M STILL FUCKING SIXTEEN! goddamn it. but hey, at least i'll look smart when i graduate and go to college since i'll be seventeen. basically i plan to just get on with senior year and whatever happens, happens, no fucks will be given what so ever. so i'll try to update this shindig, at least once a day and at the end it will be like day 180, since that is what state law requires students go to school for. i pretty much wrote everything which i have told others, but i just need this to be typed somewhere.